For my last birthday Erin Torkelson gave me what any twenty eight year old man quickly approaching the big three zero would want - his own music video complete with seductive choreography.



It is therefore my honor to kick off five days of Tork. Given that the first day of Tork occurs on the actual Tork birthday I took it upon myself to bake the Tork birthday cake. But for the Tork not just any cake would do. Betty Crocker can kiss my ass if she thinks her Fenfetti cake batter and assembly line frosting will get anywhere near the five days of Tork.



Indeed, this birthday cake would need to be a challenge. This birthday cake deserves meaning. So I combined my burning desire to purchase a food processor with the red-ish tint of Tork’s hair and her always rosy cheeks in choosing carrot cake. At the conclusion of my afternoon class, instead of tackling the mountain of reading and outlining, I bee-lined it for Whole Foods to buy the freshest most local ingredients (a choice for which I will pay dearly tomorrow). Well, that is after I sold my soul at Wal-Mart purchasing the food processor.



I let the 10 finely shredded carrots soak in a sea of brown sugar for 60 minutes. Ensuring that every last piece of carrot would be as sweet as Tork’s supple....er, um...lips. Add sugar, flower, baking soda, walnuts, raisins, vanilla and forty five minutes of love in the oven at 350 degrees...and the Tork birthday cake was finished. Although not quite. I still had to make the cream cheese frosting, and of course seal the cake with the Tork moniker.

You’ll notice that there are five burning candles in the cake. Each candle represents one of the five days of Tork. But no birthday cake celebration is complete without the blowing of the candles. So I drafted a quick power of attorney document and anointed my roommate’s girlfriend Lauren as your legal representative at the celebration. She successfully blew out each and every candle, at which point I transferred ownership of Tork’s birthday wish back across the world to Tork herself.



As official legal counsel of the International Anti-Fungal Initiative I hereby award you one birthday wish. Whatever you do, do not wish for four more days of Tork, because they are already coming your way...although maybe not in succession...the details are still fermenting. Regardless, what better medium to announce the Five Days of Tork than our sputtering Effects of Color in the Dark blog page. The IAFI's peripheral hope is that the five days of Tork will also kick starts this defunct blog into action.

Along with Ben, Jeff, Lauren, Jen, myself and the esteemed members of the IAFI scattered across the globe, let me be the first, but not the last, to wish you a Happy Fucking Birthday.

El Capitan, esq ®
Illegal IAFI Legal Counsel
Logistical Coordinator
Creator of Baked Goods